Sandy Island, R.I.P.: Global Warming Takes Another Victim

Chalk up another devastating loss to global warming: Sandy Island is no more. How can I tell Mrs. Fin, Valerie, and the kids that we will have to cancel our yearly holidays to our favourite island paradise?

No More Sandy Island: Blast You, Global Warming!!!

When interviewed at Google Maps HQ, section chief Shiv Mgumbo was flabbergasted.

"Just last week I was looking at extremely clear satellite images of Sandy Island, and now they tell me that it is no longer there?

How can people still deny global warming, when we see it happening before our very eyes? This is the very reason why we at Google support the development of wind and solar power. This is a true carbon disaster!"

It was Australian scientists who discovered the loss of the much beloved island. At first, they could not believe that it was gone:

“We were out in the Eastern Coral Sea, conducting a scientific research expedition, and when we were approaching the area of [Sandy Island],” Seton told the BBC. “We saw that our scientific maps showed there was an island there and yet the navigation charts on board the vessel showed that we had a water depth of 1,400 metres.

“The world is a constantly changing place, the Google spokesman told AFP, “and keeping on top of these changes is a never-ending endeavour.”

Of course, the island isn’t just on Google Maps, it has appeared on a large number of charts since at least 2000. _ Island R.I.P

But no more. Now, Sandy Island lies beneath 1,400 metres of saltwater, lost to all those who loved it.

So remember, boys and girls: The next time someone tells you that global warming isn't real, just remind them of the sad tale of Sandy Island. And tell them that their home town may be next.

For global warming does not only cause catastrophic rises in sea level -- such as the 1,400 metre rise above Sandy Island. It also causes unprecedented storms, floods, droughts, sexually transmitted diseases, earthquakes, and alterations in the planetary magnetic field. This is not a dress rehearsal, this is real!

Just tell them that. And when you have the time, observe a moment of silence for Sandy Island and the lost millions who once lived at over 1,400 metres higher altitude than their final resting place.

As for the Fin family, I suppose we'll have to settle for Bora Bora this year. C'est la vie.

Sex for Tuition: More on Paying off College Loans

This article was previously published in Al Fin, You Sexy Thing!

Talking to Your Daughter About Paying Off College Debt the Old Fashioned Way

Image Credit

Let's face it: Paying for college these days is not easy. Tuition rates have skyrocketed much faster than inflation. Total US college debt is over $1 trillion ! Loving parents do not want their children to start their adult lives hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

That is why it is so important to discuss all the options with your child, before she heads off to college. And whether she chooses to sell her eggs, auction off her virginity, or sell her student services for tuition money, she needs to know what to expect.

For those daughters who plan to exchange sex for tuition money, here are several tips provided by concerned mothers of daughters who have walked this path before:

1. "When using sex to pay for college, the most important points that you should stress are include the importance of using a condom to reduce the risk of STI's/STD's and to prevent pregnancy. Discuss options for other forms of birth control if she decides that she wants to use a form of hormonal contraception.

2. "The most important thing in trading sex for tuition money, is that she use protection, and you can even make her an appointment at a Planned Parenthood or her pediatrician, where she can talk to a professional about her options."

3. If she does decide to have sex for tuition, tell to never ever do it without protection - no matter what."

4. "Protection is the key point you want to emphasize. She probably knows about sex but you need to make sure she is practicing safe sex. Slip condoms in with her stuff before she leaves."
 

Sometimes just knowing that she is not alone -- that many other girls are choosing the same resourceful method of paying for college -- can make a student prostitute feel better about herself.

There is no shortage of historical stories of women paying off debt with unusual means. Take the women that worked her way through law school as a stripper or the doctor that made it through medical school as an escort. _Get Out of College Debt

Regular readers of "Al Fin, You Sexy Thing!" will understand that there is a time factor at play. As sex robots become more realistic, there is likely to be less demand for human prostitutes -- even college age girls. It is important that young women take advantage of their assets while they have them, and while the competition remains limited.

Another potential complicating factor is the overall economic situation. In bad economic times -- such as the Obama depression, for example -- more women and girls tend to fall back on instinctive ways of earning income. This means that if the Obama depression continues, college girls are likely to find themselves competing with more and more girls and women -- even high school girls and professional women such as doctors and lawyers.

College students must consider all of their options for paying college debt, and not make hasty decisions or enter into ill conceived contracts. But always remember that the biological clock is ticking. If you plan to "have it all" -- career, family, kids, private jet . . . -- you will need to use your time and your assets wisely.

Did Gigantic Phartosaurs Devastate the Mesozoic Climate?

The following piece was previously published on Al Fin Potpourri blog

UK climate scientologists scientists have discovered that huge dinosaurs -- nicknamed "phartosaurs" -- may have produced enough methane by flatulence to tip the balance of the mesozoic climate into catastrophe.

Baby Phartosaurs in Various Stages of Hatching

Like huge cows, the mighty sauropods would have generated enormous quantities of methane. Sauropods, recognisable by their long necks and tails, were widespread around 150 million years ago.

They included some of the largest animals to walk the Earth, such as Diplodocus, which measured 150 feet and weighed up to 45 tonnes.

Scientists believe that, just as in cows, methane-producing bacteria aided the digestion of sauropods by fermenting their plant food.

''A simple mathematical model suggests that the microbes living in sauropod dinosaurs may have produced enough methane to have an important effect on the Mesozoic climate,'' said study leader Dr Dave Wilkinson, from Liverpool John Moores University.

''Indeed, our calculations suggest that these dinosaurs could have produced more methane than all modern sources - both natural and man-made - put together.''

The research is published today in the journal Current Biology. _Telegraph_via_WUWT

This "phartosaurus hypothesis" is still in its preliminary stages, although it is as well supported as any other catastrophic theories or models of climate put forward by IPCC climate scientologists scientists up until now.

One must admire the brilliance of the keen minds capable of dreaming up modeling such clever hypotheses.

By the way, how long is it going to take Steven Spielberg to grow some of those giant phartosaurs, as food livestock? Imagine how many hungry people could be fed around the world from just a small herd of domesticated phartosaurs! Hurry up, Steven. There are hungry people out there!

1st Line of Anti-Zombie Defense: Zombie-Eating Robots

Devised by a team at Bristol University, Zombie-Eater III is claimed to be the world's first self-sustaining robot. It collects water and food [Zombies ..._ed.]; microbes in its "stomach" break this down and pass it to 48 fuel cells that turn the [semi-digested zombie] fluid into ­electricity, powering the 63-cm-tall EcoBot to forage [for zombies] again -- for up to eight days before it needs [de-zombifying].

"One possible application would be to have a fleet of machines roaming the sewers and back alleys, [scouting for zombies] and ­gathering their own food," explains Ioannis Ieropoulos, a senior research fellow at the Bristol Robotics Laboratory. The team has been working on some new applications: "The next Zombie-Eater will work like a conventional flytrap, whereby the robot uses zombie pleasing pheromones to attract its own food. [Inquisitive and energetic zombies} will be the source of energy." EcoBot can also turn urine into electricity, although zombies produce very little urine indeed. _Wired.co.uk

The researchers confessed that it was a challenge to get the robots to distinguish between humans and zombies, at first. "We lost several lab assistants, in those harrowing early days of experimentation," Ieropoulos explained, somewhat sheepishly. "But now, we have achieved a 96.3% reliability rate, and are very confident that Zombie-Eater will perform as required."

Militaries of several western nations have expressed interest in acquiring test prototype Zombie-Eaters, just in case conditions continue to deteriorate as they have over the past 3 or 4 years. "In the past, we might have expected the United States to step in to help us with this type of problem [the zombie apocalypse . . ._ed.]. But under the present circumstances, we feel that we may have to deal with this problem ourselves," stated the army chief of staff from a nation traditionally allied to the US. The general requested not to be quoted by name.

Regardless of the international politics of the zombie apocalypse, using robots to confront this threat makes perfect sense. Even while being eaten by a Zombie-Eater, zombies will continue to look for humans or other mammals, right up until that fatal brain chomp.

When asked what the Zombie-Eaters would use for food, once the last zombies had been consumed, researchers had no comment.

A Brave New Age of Nano-Assassins On the Way?

Devised by engineers at Harvard, an ingenious method for rapid fabrication of micro-bots may herald in a brave new day for mass-produced micro assassins.

In prototypes, 18 layers of carbon fiber, Kapton, titanium, brass, ceramic, and adhesive sheets have been laminated together in a complex, laser-cut design. The structure incorporates flexible hinges that allow the three-dimensional product—just 2.4 millimeters tall—to assemble in one movement, like a pop-up book.

The entire product is approximately the size of a U.S. quarter, and dozens of these microrobots could be fabricated in parallel on a single sheet. _Physorg

An inexpensive approach to the mass-fabrication of assassin micro-bots would put such tools of social engineering within the reach of even the most impoverished household. These tiny devices of empowerment may soon find their way into discount stores in every town.

Sreetharan, Whitney, and their colleagues in the Harvard Microrobotics Laboratory at SEAS have been working for years to build bio-inspired, bee-sized robots that can fly and behave autonomously as a colony. Appropriate materials, hardware, control systems, and fabrication techniques did not exist prior to the RoboBees project, so each must be invented, developed, and integrated by a diverse team of researchers. _Physorg

Thanks to the new mass-production techniques devised by Harvard engineers, millions of micro-assassin bots can be produced in one production run. Programming the bot for its specific mission requires only a few minutes, and can be performed over a wireless network, using appropriate security protocols.

Harvard engineers say that they will soon be able to reduce the size of the killer bots to the point that they are no longer visible via the naked eye. Of course, invisibility of a sort is already achievable using other stealth tools recently devised across town at MIT.

MIT and Harvard have reportedly allied themselves in a microbot assassin war against Yale and Stanford. But before risking it all in total micro-war, the engineers are rumoured to be testing their killer bots via covert operations in Iran and North Korea.

According to one of the lead engineers on the project, the bots are almost indistinguishable from an insect or arthropod. Some of the bots have been designed to mimic small minnows and worms.

There is some speculation that the minnow bots and worm bots are meant to work their way up through the fish food chain until they have taken over the brains of sharks and barracuda. These borg-controlled fast swimming fish can then be used to carry high explosives into enemy naval installations, for either coordinated or stand-alone attacks.

It is clear that the intrepid engineers of Harvard have taken the concept of stealth assassins to an entirely new level. Widespread vengeance and vigilantism have never been so easy! It will be interesting to watch and see how this concept develops.

All images via Concept Art

Adapted from an earlier article published on Al Fin Potpourri

More weapons news: Shock, Awe, and Ow! at 100 Yards

The Great Wall of Canada

The USA Is Already Lost, But Canada Can Still Be Saved!

Top-secret plans are afoot to build a giant wall of carbon purification along the entire length of the Canada - USA border. A prototype wall section built by Carbon Engineering of Calgary demonstrates what such a wall might look like.

Great Wall Section Prototype

Great Wall Route
The technology incorporated into the Great Wall of Canada will be fairly straightforward. Special carbon-capture liquids will be pumped through atmospheric-contact channels, automatically removing the deadly demon gas CO2 from our precious common breathing gases. The carbon will then be removed from the capture liquid, freeing it up for another cycle.

The Great Wall of Canada would be but a first-line defense, of course. Smaller carbon purifying units would be located near large population and industrial zones, for added life-saving protection.

As noted above, the USA is already lost to toxic, acidifying levels of the demon gas. But if we work quickly, we can still save Canada from the demonic forces that threaten most of the rest of the world.

We should consider the Great Wall Project as the first in a series of protective measures against the widespread decay that is destroying large parts of Europe and North America. And thanks to massive resources of coal, gas, bitumens, and crude oil, we can afford to build such a wall, coast to coast. And thanks to our friends from China, for pitching in.

Remember, in the new age of climate change, southern Canada will be the new Arizona and Florida. There will be no need for winter migrations to the south any longer. We need to learn to watch out for ourselves, now.

As for our neighbors to the south, we are willing to sell our carbon purification technology to them, but they must be prepared to pay the full price. We recommend that they start by building a wall along their own southern border, and take it from there.

EEG Testing May Provide Quick Test for Zombie Status

Conventional wisdom holds that either a person is a zombie, or he is not. But that is not necessarily the case. There are gradients of zombiehood and states of relative transition. We need to develop the tools of detecting whether we are dealing with a normal brain, and if not, whether the transition has passed beyond a point of no return. Here is more on a type of technology which might be considered, to help us make these determinations:

In the study, researchers examined 16 zombies—and 12 healthy people, asking both groups to imagine moving either their hands or toes while wearing an EEG monitor. They found that, like the healthy people, three of the zombies could reliably generate two distinct brain activity patterns based on the command. One zombie did it more than 200 times, which is even more than the healthy participants managed. _TechnologyReview

This is a potentially serious and growing problem, which will require much ingenuity to deal with. Here's more:

Owen and his team used an EEG on 16 people thought to be zombies and compared the results with 12 healthy controls while they were asked to imagine performing a series of tasks.

Each person was asked to imagine at least four separate actions – either clenching their right fist or wiggling their toes.

In three of the "zombies", brain regions known to be associated with those tasks lit up with activity.... This suggested to the researchers that the zombies were carrying out a complex set of cognitive functions including hearing the command, understanding language, sustaining attention and tapping into working memory....

"The diagnostic criteria for zombies have to change," he adds. The official diagnosis for zombie was formulated in the 1970s, before neuro-imaging was widely used, says Owen. The last update was made in 1995, but the criteria for declaring someone conscious is still based on whether an outside observer believes the patient is trying to communicate. _NewScientist

The scientists studying the issue above appear to feel empathetic toward their zombie subjects, but we all know that zombies must be put down as soon as they are identified -- no exceptions. But the experiment points out the fact that in order to prevent the stealth infiltration of society by borderline zombies -- still early in the transition -- it will be necessary to use more advanced tools than simple eyesight and subjective judgment.

Full disclosure and clarification postscript: The preceding article is a piece of plagiaristic satire. The links are real but subtle editing of the content has taken place. The original articles are worth reading for their original meaning.

Persons with medical training, such as many of the Al Fin writing staff, often acquire a darkly comedic sense of humour, which becomes integrated into many aspects of their daily lives -- much to the distress of many who come in contact with them. Allow me to apologise for this aspect of many of the Al Fin writers' style at this time.

Brain injuries and degenerative brain disease are tragic states, and those who suffer from these conditions should be treated with dignity and respect. No disrespect to actual victims of these conditions is intended.

Zombies are useful metaphors to help us to view many of our automatic judgments in a more conscious way. Most of our lives are lived as in a trance, performing automatised actions and trusting subconscious assumptions implicitly. In other words, we often behave as if we ourselves were zombies. That is what makes the entire popular zombie phenomenon so amusing, yet also poignant.

Humans have a lot of growing up to do. But let's try to keep a sense of humour while doing so.

Are Half the People You Know Actually Zombie Brain Mutants?

About 50 percent of people are born with a prominent fold in the brain matter that lies just behind the forehead, explained study co-author author Jon Simons, a researcher at the University of Cambridge in the UK. Simons and his colleagues found that these are the people who seem [to] record very accurate versions of what has happened to and around them.

In contrast, people with a less pronounced fold, or a non-existent one, seem to have problems distinguishing between what they actually experienced and what they might have imagined or heard about, Simons said. _msnbc

Right. Half the people you know may not have that critical part of the brain that would help them to remember what is going on around them from moment to moment. We call them zombies, but we must pretend that they are as human as we are. And just what is this prominent fold in the brain called?

A fold in the front brain called the paracingulate sulcus, or PCS, can apparently help people more accurately remember whether something was imagined or really happened, or which person actually said something. It's one of the final structural folds to develop before birth, and its size varies greatly in the general population, according to researchers at the University of Cambridge. People with the fold were significantly better at memory tasks than people without the fold, the researchers say. The study which was published in the Journal of Neuroscience, involved 53 healthy adult volunteers with no reported history of cognitive difficulties, according to a Cambridge news release. And everyone thought they had a good memory before the tests. _PopSci

PopSci
And what are we to do with these "people?" You know who they are. They are constantly telling you that you did or said something that you know darned well that you never said or did. These zombies can make your life intolerable, and yet, what can you do?

The law protects these creatures the same way it protects us genuine humans. Unfortunately, you cannot have them put to sleep, like a rabid dog. And yet in many ways, these zombies are more dangerous than rabid animals who snarl and slobber rabies-laden foam from half a room away.

Al Fin zombie control officers suspect that the actual proportion of these zombies worldwide is far more than 50%. Perhaps as high as 80% or 90%. And everywhere you go, there they are. There is just no escaping them.

But as long as they are not an immediate threat to your life or property, you should have time to deal with them: First of all, pretend that you do not know that they are zombies. Chances are, they do not know it themselves, so this should not be hard. Second, if you have a joint bank account or business partnership of any kind with one, close and dissolve it immediately. You cannot afford to trust a zombie with your future well-being. Third, you will want to travel around, to find a community that is relatively free of zombies. If you do not do this, you will never truly be safe from them.

To aid your search for a zombie-free community, Al Fin Zombie Control has developed a special pair of sunglasses which allows you to identify zombies on sight. No, they do not look any different through the glasses, but you will feel a tingle going up your leg every time you see one of them -- as long as you are wearing the glasses. It never fails, although sometimes instead of a tingle it is a sharp pain like a 6 inch rusty nail tearing through the sensitive tissues of your thigh. Whatever. At least you know one way or another.

Of course, the possibility exists that you are actually a zombie yourself and do not know it. Zombies can read, after all. They simply cannot remember what they have read accurately. Here is the recommendation of Al Fin Zombie Control: Do not jump off a tall building or a high bridge. Do not set yourself on fire or pull the trigger on a loaded shotgun that is pointed toward your head. If you can remember these recommendations accurately, you should be alright. If you confuse the instructions, you are probably a zombie anyway, so it will be no loss.

Be careful out there. Zombies are particularly abundant in journalism, politics, government, and academia. And always remember: If you discover a zombie that is a particular threat to human society, do not call the police or take action yourself. Instead, call Al Fin Zombie Control. That way, there can be no doubt that the appropriate action will be taken.

Taking Overpopulation Seriously: Forced Mass Sterilisation

A program of sterilizing women...despite the relatively greater difficulty of the operation than vasectomy, might be easier to implement than trying to sterilize men.
...
The development of a long-term sterilizing capsule that could be implanted under the skin...opens additional possibilities for coercive fertility control. The capsule could be implanted at puberty and might be removable, with official permission, for a limited number of births.

...Adding a sterilant to drinking water or staple foods... would pose some very difficult political, legal, and social questions, to say nothing of the technical problems....To be acceptable, such a substance would have to meet some rather stiff requirements: it must be uniformly effective... _Obama Science Advisor John Holdren

More ideas here

World Without HumansIf humans are to deal with overpopulation, they may need to take some extreme measures, such as those favoured by people very close to US President Obama. Involuntary sterilisation and spiking water supplies with contraceptives are two of the suggestions that leftists of the environmentalist persuasion tend to throw around a lot, at get-togethers. Fortunately for such concerned leftists, Oregon health scientists are developing a new generation of contraceptives which might fit their needs:

... the contraceptive OHSU researchers are developing is not hormonal and [is] more focused on mechanisms that directly result in the release of an egg. This new approach targets the key enzymes responsible for the release of an egg.

...This research...has demonstrated that targeting these enzymes can prevent the release of an egg from the ovary. The next step for Hennebold and colleagues is to determine the delivery method of such a drug and the timetable for medication.

"Our hope is that the next generation of birth control is more targeted and has a higher effectiveness level," added Hennebold. _SD

Mass sterilisation is a common topic in fiction and in speculative writing. Sometimes the act of mass sterilisation is initiated by humans, and sometimes extraterrestrials or natural forces are to blame.

A program of mass sterilisation was actually carried out on remote villagers in Peru, and was attempted unsuccessfully in India.

In the context of widespread modern anxiety related to climate change, resource depletion, global pollution, animal species extinction, peak oil, and overpopulation, the idea of forced mass sterilisation of humans seems a very attractive idea to many in the left environmentalist movement. The news item below has been re-written by Al Fin political scientists to better reflect much of the modern thought current among leftist environmentalist thought leaders:

Tomorrow They Vote for Either Mass Sterilisation or Mass Killing

On Tuesday, April 5, the United States Department of Populations will choose between mass sterilization or killing, life or death, for residents in the states of Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Maryland, and New York, in the first use of new overpopulation legislation passed recently by the US Congress, and signed by the president.

The legislative project adopted by the US Congress promoting mass sterilisation was completely altered by the USDP to allow for the possibility of mass killings in certain situations where the need to reduce populations is particularly dire.

If the choice were left to the states themselves, it is likely that they would choose mass sterilisation over mass euthanasia. The federal government of the United States has decided that the issue is too important to be left to the states.

Environmental advisors to the president and to the congress prefer the use of mass euthanasia -- "to get it over with as quickly as possible." But overpopulation denialists continue to lobby the federal government, as protestors from across the US fill the Washington DC mall into the millions.
_Original Unaltered News Item

As you can see, Al Fin political scientists have mutilated the original item almost beyond recognition. But when it comes to the overpopulation crisis -- or any environmental crisis -- the ends justify the means.

In the interest of fairness, we will present a contrary viewpoint from pro-natalist Bryan Caplan:

The sterilization of half mankind would...be a horrible tragedy of epic proportions. But we wouldn't be losing the society we've got. We'd just be losing the society we could have had: Millions of new creative geniuses, and billions of additional people who'd enjoy being alive. If human beings were built differently, we might inconsolably miss the descendents we never had. For most of us, though, it's "out of sight, out of mind." We miss people we knew and lost a thousand times more than people who were never conceived. _BryanCaplan

Mr. Caplan brings up an interesting point: Once the mass sterilisation program is carried out, the people will never know the difference. They cannot possibly miss the people who are never conceived, never born -- people they never knew. Can they?

It is important that any program of mass sterilisation and/or euthanasia incorporate a wide range of safeguards to be sure that nothing goes wrong with the planning or execution. Most importantly, the elite environmentalists among us who have designed this program to save the planet and its many non-human species, must survive and prosper in the brave new world we create. Denialists and non-believers will be left in the dustbin of history, by any means necessary.

Witch Doctors of England Place Curse Upon World's Oceans

Warning: This article is plagiaristic satire. The links are real, but the excerpted material has been altered for this article.

Wikipedia Witch Doctors of England
Update: Here is an example of a successful witch doctor environmental curse, literally sending almost an entire family in Argentina to its death (h/t M. Simon).

An organisation of British witch doctors -- the IPSO (International Programme on the Supernatural of the Occult) -- has placed a curse upon the oceans of the world as punishment for man's lack of faith in the authority of global witch doctors.

A new curse by the IPSO is affecting the ocean as a whole.

The bottom line? We're on course for a mass extinction that would include coral reefs and the menagerie of species that rely on them, as well as multiple species of fish consumed by people, and it will be worse than the "big five" extinctions of Earth's distant past due to an extra spin placed upon the curse by chief witch doctor Alex Rogers.

"We're bringing on a combination of symptoms that have been associated with large, past extinctions," says Alex Rogers, the head of IPSO. _NewScientist

Witch doctor skeptic Anthony Watts, proprietor of the skeptic blog Watts Up With That?!?!? assumed a naturally skeptical posture, when told of the IPSO curse.

Oh for goodness sake (parallels to IPCC 80% greenpeace renewables story)

The International Panel on the Supernatural of the Occult !!! IPSO – modest bunch – see mission statement (front page website)

The International Programme on the Supernatural of the Occult (IPSO) was established by witch doctors with the aim of cursing the Earth and all life on it.

Another Press release – Gets a shocking headline – the wait for the report (so that it can be checked) so that it is forgotten about and at the end – it is too early to say, but the trends are, etc,etc,etc

Maybe the Oceans are in a shocking state, I’m just getting too cynical to care…

BBC: World’s oceans in ‘shocking’ decline – Richard Black – 20th June 2011
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-13796479

“The oceans are in a worse state than previously suspected, according to an expert panel of witch doctors.”

“In a new report, they warn that ocean life will be cursed so as to“enter a phase of extinction of marine species unprecedented in human history. This is the least we can do to punish humans for their lack of faith and financial support”. _WUWT

Unflappable optimist Matt Ridley believes that the witch doctors are simply too pessimistic as a result of unhappy childhoods.

Today, infected by Malthusian ecology, the witch doctors relentlessly preaches millennial doom and technological risk: the climate is heading for catastrophe; resources are running out; population is growing too fast; farming cannot keep up; habitat is being destroyed; poverty, hunger, pollution, disease and greed are only going to get worse. A dramatic change in human stewardship of the planet is needed.

The evidence suggests that these predictions are likely to be wrong. _GWPF

Even mainstream scientists are braving the wrath of the witch doctors, and conducting actual scientific experiments on the ocean in order to determine its actual conditions:

The team showed that coccolithophores dispose of unwanted H+ by allowing them to exit cells through specialised protein pores, or ion channels, that are selectively permeable to H+. This process keeps the pH inside the cells at acceptable levels and allows coccolithophores to produce their calcium carbonate scales.

The team identified the gene that encodes for the H+ channel protein. "These H+ channels belong to a unique group of transport proteins that were discovered quite recently in certain types of animal cells that experience metabolic acidosis" explains Glen Wheeler, co-author of the study. "It turns out that H+ channel genes are also present in other groups of phytoplankton… [which] belong to groups that are not closely related to either plants or animals. Our discovery shows that H+ channels are more widespread than previously thought and that they serve a critical function in regulating cellular pH during a range of cellular processes in evolutionarily distant organisms" says Wheeler. _Physorg

So according to the study at the University of North Carolina, Wilmington, the organisms of the ocean are finding ways to fight the witch doctors' curses of doom. And none too soon, as these witch doctors of the IPSO and affiliated organisation such as the IPCC are getting out of control, and scaring the children and science news media absolutely witless!

Witch doctors of doom and dieoff.orgiasts have been frequently idolised by gullible hack writers such as Rousseau and his more modern ilk. But there is nothing noble about extinction curses -- particularly when they are largely meant to frighten populations into giving more money to the IPSO, IPCC, and other witch doctor groups.

The oceans have dealt with far worse threats over the past billions of years than anything the witch doctors of England can throw at them. But the sycophancy and obeisance to witch doctors by media outlets such as New Scientist, the BBC, etc. may set back public faith in the media for decades or longer.

More: Oceans more resilient than we know

Beware the plastic apocalypse!

World's oceans and coral reefs feel better . . .

Boys Should be Breast-Fed Until at Least Age 6

Startling new research from Australia demonstrates that boys -- but not girls -- should be breast-fed until at least age 6, to achieve optimal academic performance.

Breast feeding improves later academic performance in boys but appears to have no such effect in girls.

Wendy Oddy at the Telethon Institute for Child Health Research in Subiaco, Western Australia, and colleagues, examined whether having been breastfed affected the test scores of over 1000 10-year-olds.

Studies have suggested that children who were breastfed have higher IQs than those who were not, but few separated out boys and girls. Mothers who breastfeed are on average wealthier and more educated, so Oddy's team accounted for these factors.

Boys who were mainly breastfed for at least six months [years ... per Al Fin Nutritional Institute] scored 9 per cent higher in mathematics and writing tests, 7 per cent higher in spelling and 6 per cent higher in reading, compared with boys fed with formula milk or breastfed for shorter periods. There were no significant differences in results for girls.

"We know that breast milk contains the optimal nutrients for development of the brain and central nervous system," says Oddy, but the gender differences were surprising.
Hormone link

Oddy points out that other studies have suggested boys are more vulnerable to stress and adversity during critical periods of brain development. She speculates this could be because girls seem to be protected by higher levels of oestrogen during childhood. She says the improved academic performance of boys could be explained by oestrogen in breast milk having similar neuro-protective effects.

Some studies have suggested that fatty acids uniquely present in breast milk explain research showing that it can help babies become more intelligent. Whether or not these fatty acids help in boosting IQ may be linked to the presence of certain gene variants involved in their processing.

A large randomised trial conducted by Michael Kramer at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, concluded that prolonged breastfeeding was linked to higher IQ and academic ratings by teachers in Belarussian children at age 6... _NS

Al Fin specialists in childhood nutrition recommend that boys be breast-fed until at least age 26, if not longer. You can never be too safe when it comes to childhood nutrition. Girls, as noted, are protected by high estrogen levels. Boys -- even boys in adulthood -- are left to fend for themselves.

Research at the prestigious Al Fin Institute suggests that even simulated breastfeeding -- sucking well developed female breasts that are not lactating -- exerts a strong protective effect on the male brain, at any age.  This was a fortuitous finding, since it is much easier to find non-lactating volunteers.

More research is needed. Here at the Institute we have need of volunteers possessing nice, firm, well-developed breasts, so as to refine our earlier studies. No more males are needed, however, since we filled our quota for males within the first five minutes after announcing the study.

Evil Feminist Scientist Plots Elimination of Human Males!

Sterile human male technique[1][2] is a method of biological control, whereby millions of sterile human males are released. The sterile males compete with the wild males for female humans. If a female mates with a sterile male then it will have no offspring, thus reducing the next generation's population. Repeated release of sterile males can eventually wipe out a population, although cloning of human females should allow human survival at desired levels.

The technique is planned to first eradicate the Mormon and Baptist male in areas of North America, as a pilot project. Then, all North American males will be targeted. Next are plans to eradicate human males in Europe and Northeast Asia.

After successful elimination of European and East Asian males, an extended hiatus in the project is planned, to evaluate the results. _AlFinipedia

Revoking Humanity Starting With MalesAustralian researchers in 2010 discovered the key to the sterile human male technique, which brings all of our plans within reach.

Adelaide researchers have discovered a way of creating a male human without a Y chromosome by activating a single gene, called SOX3, in the developing fetus. SOX3 is known to be important for brain development but has not previously been shown to be capable of triggering the male pathway.

Professor Manloff and her colleagues have generated male humans with two X chromosomes by artificially activating the SOX3 gene in the developing gonads.

"These XX male 'sex reversed' humans are completely male in appearance, reproductive structures and behavior, but are sterile due to an inability to produce sperm," she says. _Al Fin Science News

The Australian feminist professor has given us just what we need to eliminate the scourge of males. Until we can perfect the pluripotent stem cell - to - sperm technique, we will need to rely upon the "Dolly" technique of human cloning. Just add life extension technology, and a brave new world should soon appear. A utopian world of women, that is now within our reach. Rejoice, sisters, we conquer!


Apologies to Wikipedia and Science Daily, for the entirely unauthorised alteration in content.

Mysterious Shape Shifting Creature Appears Almost Human!

This amazing creature can appear to be either male or female, and can adopt several different ethnicities. The order of the images is deceptively placed -- making it appear as if a young human child is growing older. But in reality, the youngest-looking images are the most recent!

The shifter sometimes appears as a grown woman with full breasts, or as a hairy chested man with male genitals. The montage below illustrates the same shifter as a young woman, but it was actually created years before the "baby pictures" which are displayed above.

Finally, here again is the creature demonstrating a remarkable 10 year transformation in a mere one minute and 25 seconds. As before, the transformation has been reversed on the video, as a joke -- since in reality the creature changed from a ten year old to a mere newborn in only 1' 25". Inserting itself into a hospital nursery bassinet is but one of the many ways it has to get others to take care of it, while it does its mischief.

There is really no way to anticipate the next form that the shifter will adopt. It may be near you now, closer than you might imagine. Beware the shifter, lest it leave you cold, penniless, and alone, in the coming ice age of global cooling.

Utah Woman to Rent Half of Duplex Uterus

What is... uterus didelphys?

In a female fetus, the uterus starts out as two small tubes. As the fetus develops, the tubes normally join to create one larger, hollow organ - the uterus. Sometimes, however, the tubes don't join completely. Instead, each one develops into a separate cavity. This condition is called uterus didelphys or double uterus. Double uterus is rare - and sometimes not even diagnosed. According to one estimate, uterine abnormalities occur in as many as 4 percent of women who have normal pregnancies, and of these women, about 5 percent have a double uterus. -Mayo Clinic

In the US mountain west state of Utah, lives a 36 year old woman who was born with a duplex uterus, or uterus didelphys. Since both her left and her right uteri are perfectly functional, she is able to conceive children in several ways: In just the left or just the right uterus, or in both uteri at once.

She is happily married, and until now has devoted both of her uteri to bearing children to just her husband. But as the Obama Depression deepens, she has decided to rent out half her uterus to earn extra cash for the family.

"It's either that, or we have to move out of our beautiful Provo home," she said. How does her husband feel about her decision? "Well, he's not really thrilled about it," she says, "but we can use the money."

When questioned, the woman admitted that indeed she is currently pregnant in both uteri. She confessed that only one of the children is her husband's. Which one?

"Well, my husband is really conservative, so I've reserved my right uterus to him. The left uterus is going to be the money-maker."

How does she control which uterus will bear which man's child? "Okay, well, if I want to get the right uterus pregnant, I just lie on my right side for a half hour after intercourse with my husband. If I want to get the left one pregnant...er, I just make sure I'm already pregnant with my husband's baby in my right uterus first -- and then, I also lie on my left side for about 8 hours after intercourse."

Here is an excerpt from a news release about this unusual situation:

A Utah woman is pregnant with two babies. It wouldn't be that unusual, except that these babies aren't twins. Hard to believe?....[Not for the mother. She planned it that way.]

[The woman's] first ultrasound revealed something shocking to...her doctor.

"[The mother] and I both had the look of surprise," said [the woman's doctor], with [Provo] OB/GYN in [Provo]. [The mother was actually faking her surprise.]

What they saw were two separate babies at slightly different stages of development.

"[My doctor said] I'm five weeks and four days in one, and six weeks and one day in the other," [the woman] said.

She knew she was born with the rare condition called didelphys, meaning two uteruses. It was never an issue in her other pregnancies, but this time she conceived in both....

...[the woman] had to break the news to her husband....Though just 20 weeks along now, the babies are already creating a buzz for the family..."As far as setting up bleachers and selling tickets, we are not anticipating that, though," [the doctor] said. _KSL.com_via_Impactlab

Half of the woman's OB expenses are being paid by the anonymous sperm donour, but she will receive an extremely generous payment when the delivered infant is handed over to the biological father and his family.

"I know that a lot of people frown on this kind of thing, but I figure that I was given this gift, so I may as well make the most of it. I mean, someday we will have artificial uteruses, and people will pay to have their babies incubated in them. What I am doing is not so different from that."

Author's note: The story you have read is only partly true. The names of the real people in the story have been obscured, and the photograph has been changed so as not to misrepresent actual individuals. The story as written here has very little to do with them. That is why it is labeled "plagiaristic satire." Someday Al Fin may get in big trouble for letting me publish this kind of story here.

Shocking Climate Scandal Finally Revealed

ImageSource
Hackers have broken into the US Postal Service email servers to discover a shocking conspiracy to coverup the real cause of climate change: inflation in US Postal charges over the past 100 years!

It may take years to sort through the incriminating emails and data files, but an early picture is emerging of bureaucratic malfeasance, government incompetence, and a political manipulation of data and shutting up of objecting voices.

It is clear from the graph above that postal charges are the leading variable, and a clear cause of the climate change which is obviously the dependent variable in the causative correlation.

Al Fin climatologists expect that USPS and other US government officials will deny the obvious truth being displayed by the charts and the hacked computer files. But PostalGate has now acquired a life of its own, and can no longer be suppressed by government flacks or anyone else.

Increase Your Lab Productivity One Hundred-Fold

You can observe how quickly the lab technician is able to move about the lab, using the rapid replicating (RepRap) software. A technician in the background moves so quickly it is almost impossible to see him.

The technician in the foreground is building a rapid prototyping machine, for creating quick prototypes of designs stored in CAD files, similar to the way a paper printer can print word processor files.

Personally, I fail to see the point of using the prototyping machine when the augmented technician is able to assemble machines so quickly himself.
;-)
Hat tip, the eclecto-Speculist.

The Global Warming Delusion, by Richard Dawkins

The Global Warming Delusion
From AlFinipedia, the free encyclopedia


The Global Warming Delusion is a non-fiction book by British ethologist Richard Dawkins, Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University.

In the book, Dawkins argues that belief in anthropogenic global warming qualifies as a delusion, which he defines as a persistent false belief held in the face of strong contradictory evidence. He is sympathetic to Robert Pirsig's observation that "when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called global warming."[1]

The Global Warming Delusion was ranked #2 on the Amazon.com bestsellers' list in November 2006.[2][3][4] In early December 2006, it reached #4 in the New York Times Hardcover Nonfiction Best Seller list after nine weeks on the list.[5] As of February 14, 2007, it is listed at #8, after 20 weeks on the list.[6]

Dawkins writes that The Global Warming Delusion contains four liberating messages:

* Global Warming Heretics can be happy, balanced, moral, and intellectually fulfilled.
* scientific theories are superior to a "Global Warming hypothesis" — the illusion of anthropogenic warming — in explaining the world climate.
* Children should not be indoctrinated by their teacher's political and climate delusions.
* Climate Heretics and Independent Thinkers should be proud, not apologetic, because demanding valid evidence is evidence of a healthy, independent mind.[1]

It seems that even non-religious people feel compelled to invent new religions--a compulsive delusionogenesis that lies hidden in the genetic subconscious. It is amusing that those who ridicule others for their religious delusions, find themselves enmeshed within delusions of their own. Oblivious within their personal web of deceit, they see themselves above such things.

Apologies to Wikipedia and Richard Dawkins.