Climate Change Makes Nuclear War Inevitable, Threatens End of Cosmos

After meeting with the President in the Oval Office, Nobel winner and climate expert Al Gore held a press conference to announce that climate change can cause wars, and in fact, nuclear war is inevitable, due to climate change. Natural disasters have quadrupled in two decades, Mr. Gore announced, and the US Dollar could plunge 90%! Crime is growing so bad that it is becoming necessary to track schoolchildren with radio chips sewn into their uniforms, mankind is shortening the life of the universe, and the government has tried to cover up that many Americans still believe in conspiracies, Gore complained.

The world renowned environmentalist explained that all of these phenomena are related, and caused by global warming. Mr. Gore emphasized his deep regret at bringing such bad news, and wanted to reassure the public that all of this could have been prevented had the US Supreme Court seen fit to go along with the Florida State Supreme Court's interceding in the 2000 US national elections. Unfortunately, Mr. Gore added, it is now too late, and America must "take its medicine," along with the rest of the universe.

Asked if he felt he deserved another Nobel Prize for his efforts to save the universe, Mr Gore answered that he was honoured simply to serve, and that he would just take the money.

Editor's note: I have added an "Apocalypse" heading to the sidebar, and this post features several links from the apocalyptic website "Armageddon Online," in honour of the addition. For those of you wondering what is happening with the "Society for Creative Apocalyptology", or SCA, be patient. Plans are shaping up nicely. Stay tuned.